I Can't Decide
by NickSwagger
Summary: Songfic set to the lyrics of Scissor Sisters' 'I Can't Decide'. Chester has finally captured Paul, and decides to sing a little 'love song' to him before he decides his fate. T for mild swearing and violent imagery.


**Quick disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics to 'I Can't Decide'. Scissor Sisters owns the lyrics to this absolutely fab song. **

**"It's... not... easy having yourself a good time!" **Chester began singing as he circled around Paul, who was chained to the wall in shackles, a grin on his face which was partly covered by his signature donkey skull. His friend, Crimsy the Red Panda, played the piano in the background. **"Greasing up those bets and betters, watching out they don't four-letter!"**

**"Fuck and kiss you both at the same time!" **Chester sang to Paul, gently stroking Paul's chin with his claw/finger/whatever. "Wha?" Paul wondered out loud to Chester.

**"Smells like something I've forgotten,"** he sang, then removing his donkey skull helmet, so Paul could see all of his face.** "Curled up, died, and now it's rotten!" **He grinned, gesturing over to a shelf which contained many of his animal skulls.

**"I'm not a gangster tonight, don't wanna be a bad guy," **He sang, putting a paw to his chest.

**"I'm just a loner baby, and now you've gotten in MY WAY!" **Chester snarled, shoving his face into Paul's own. Seriously, Chester was still fucking mad after Paul insulted him and called him a creep. Nobody insults Chester's skull collection.

**"I can't decide whether you should live or die," **Chester sang to Paul, skipping around him. **"Oh, you'll probably go to heaven," **A halo appeared above Paul's head as he made a happy face, but Chester quickly appeared behind his back and popped the halo with his claw, **"Please don't hang your head and cry, no wonder why!" **"Hey!" Paul yelled to Chester, with an angry look on his face.

**"My heart feels dead inside," **He sang, getting on his knees, his ears drooped down and a paw on his heart, **"It's cold and hard and petrified!" **Chester got to four legs, and hung his head down, his tail fixed into a straight line.

But quickly, Chester hopped back onto his feet, dancing over to a wooden door in the room and miming locking it. **"Lock the doors,"** He then hopped over to one single glass window covered by a dark purple curtain, **"And close the blinds!" **He mimed pulling the blinds down. **"WE'RE GOIN' FOR A RIDE!"**

Crimsy smiled at their wolf friend, and played the piano some more. After about 10 seconds, Chester started singing again.

**"It's a... bitch convincing people to like you!" **Chester sang, pushing the curtains aside to reveal imagery in the window, of most of the Uncle Grandpa gang. "**If I stop now, call me a quitter, if lies were cats,"** Chester pulled an adorable kitten out of no where. "Aw." said Paul, to the kitten. **"You'd be a litter!"**

Right then, a whole herd of adorable kittens came running out of no where, trampling over Paul. Paul looked dizzy as he got back up, shackles still holding him down as Chester came dancing back over to him. "**Pleasing everyone isn't like youuuu!~" **"Excuse you, I believe you've gotten me personality completely wrong?" Paul raised his finger, but Chester swung his mallet, cartoon-like stars appearing above Paul's head.

**"Dancing jigs until I'm crippled," **Chester danced a quick little jig, and stopped as suddenly, a tray containing ten glasses of wine appeared above him. He took quick little sips from all of the glasses. **"Slug ten drinks, I won't get pickled!" **

**"I've got to hand it to you, you've played by all the same rules, it takes the truth to fool me," **Chester sang, hopping about and twirling his mallet like a baton. **"And now you've made me ANGRY!" **He now wore an angry look on his face as he shoved his face into Paul's, and snarled. "Uh, this is freakin' me out. I suggest you stop now?" Paul now wore a scared expression on his face.

**"I can't decide, whether you should live or die!" **Chester sang the chorus of the song again to Paul. **"Oh, you'll probably go to heaven," **Another halo appeared above Paul's head as he looked up and smiled again, **"Please don't hang your head and cry!" **Chester appeared behind Paul again and popped the halo again. "Uh, isn't that a bit rude? I like the halos!"

**"My heart feels dead inside, it's cold and hard and petrified!" **Chester fell onto his knees again and out a paw on his heart, putting another paw down as his ears drooped down. But quickly, he was back up on his feet and dancing over to the door again. **"Lock the doors," **he mimed locking the door again, and then quickly hopped over to the window and mimed pulling the blinds down. **"And lock the blinds, WE'RE GOIN' FOR A RIDE!"**

He then quickly shoved the curtains apart again as more imagery began to appear in the window.** "Oh, I could throw you in the lake," **An image of Chester throwing Paul into a lake appeared in the window. "U-Uh, excuse me?" Paul yelled upon seeing the image. Another image appeared, of Chester force-feeding Paul a piece of cake. **"Or feed you poisoned birthday cake!" **"Okay mate, this is seriously freaking me out. S-Stop, now." Paul whined to the wolf who was singing to him.

**"I won't deny, I'm gonna miss you when you're gone..." **An image of a night in a graveyard appeared. A tombstone reading _"HERE LAYS PAUL" _was planted on a small hill, and beside it stood Chester, holding his mallet and softly weeping. "Oh, rest in peace. You were a fine weasel," sighed the Chester in the window. "What? N-Now you're gonna cry when you kill me? That makes no sense!" Paul screamed.

**"Oh, I could bury you alive," **An image of Chester throwing Paul into a self-dug hole and burying him back, and proudly standing on top of the hill of dirt, trusty mallet over shoulder. **"But you might crawl out with a knife," **The hill of dirt suddenly began stirring as suddenly Paul burst out, growling with a butcher's knife in his hand. "Th-that is not like me, at ALL!" yelled Paul at the image.

But the Paul in the image quickly ran over to Chester's house, a mansion painted a dark purple must I add, and climbed in through the window. **"And kill me when I'm sleeping!" **Paul stood beside Chester's bed and raised the butcher's knife to stab him while he was sleeping, but quickly Chester awoke. **"That's why!" **

The Chester in the window suddenly jumped out and formed into the real Chester, and started circling around Paul. **"I can't decide, whether you should live or die!" **He began singing the final chorus of his 'love song' to Paul. **"Oh, you'll probably go to heaven," **Another golden halo appeared above Paul's head, and Chester just as quickly popped it. "Okay, now you're sorta making me angry!" Paul said, scooting up against the wall, his eyes sort of narrowed.

**"Please don't hang your head and cry, no wonder why my heart feels dead inside!" **Chester dropped to his knees and put a paw to his heart again. **"It's cold and hard and petrified!" **His ears drooped again as his tail went into that same straight line, but he quickly hopped back up to sing the last lines of his song.

**"Lock the door," **Chester mimed locking a door, and then mimed closing the blinds. **"And close the blinds, we're GOIN' FOR A RIDE!"** He finished up the singing lines and then turned to Crimsy, "Take it away."

Crimsy nodded and began playing the piano to the last notes of the song while Chester danced to the beat, and then when finished, Chester wore an evil look on his face as he advanced towards Paul, mallet in paw.


End file.
